


Spa Day Confidential

by VerySwampeh



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Automail, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Havoc is nosy and can't mind his business, I can't stop with the automail meta my friends, Various OCs - Freeform, Very hinted EdWin, mid-series, some medical talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-23 17:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VerySwampeh/pseuds/VerySwampeh
Summary: The first time Havoc saw Ed leaving the massage parlor, he didn't think anything of it. The second time, he got suspicious. The third time, he decided to investigate.





	Spa Day Confidential

**Author's Note:**

> Another sort-of plotless 'let's look at automail some more' fic, now with Havoc. Because let's be honest, Ed and Havoc interactions are great and there needs to be more. Any verse, mid-series, no real spoilers. Probably some EdWin if you squint.
> 
> Sidenote: you should all go check out The Violin on FFN by Misuto, it's a fantastic fic and definitely served as an inspiration for this.
> 
> (Originally posted on FFN in 2017)

The first time Havoc saw Ed leaving the massage parlor, he didn't think anything of it.

The parlor in question was on West Pine Road, one of the major roadways through Central. It was a high-end shopping spot, filled with fancy boutiques, classy jazz clubs, expensive restaurants, ritzy hotels, and specialty stores. The storefronts were all cut of clean, white stone, with shining metal embellishments and floor-to-ceiling windows. The well-to-do of Central practically lived there, and Havoc probably would have never stepped foot there if not for Sally.

She worked at a florist, right across the street from a full service day spa. She'd brought the flowers for one of Armstrong's parties, and after Havoc had bumped into her, they'd spent the rest of the evening sweet-talking each other behind a giant vase of lilies. Sally was great, the best girl he'd ever dated, so Havoc had decided to surprise her at work.

He'd bought some overpriced pastries from a bakery down the road and oh-so-conveniently showed up right as her shift ended. There'd been more flirting at the store's counter and Sally's boss had finally shooed them out the shop. They'd parked themselves on the bench right outside the storefront and dove into the pastries. Sally's mother, Havoc had learned, had been in the military and the two of them swapped complaints about unreasonable superior officers for nearly an hour.

Havoc was leaning back on the bench, one arm slung around Sally's shoulders when Ed showed up. They'd moved on from complaining about bosses to complaining about coworkers, and Havoc thought for sure Ed had sensed him talking shit and appeared to extract revenge.

But Ed didn't even look in his direction as he stepped out of the massage parlor across the street, a wrapped package tucked up under his arm. Havoc had stopped talking to stare in surprise, and Sally followed his gaze. They watched Ed hail a cab and slide in, and only then did Havoc realize how far they were from Ed's favorite hotel, which was clear across town.

"Do you know him?" Sally asked as Havoc continued to stare after the cab like he'd never seen one before.

Havoc snapped his mouth closed. "Yeah, that was Ed."

Sally made a noise of surprise. They'd just been talking about the time the Fullmetal Alchemist had accidentally opened a sinkhole in East City and broken a water main while trying to break up a smuggling ring. "He_ is_ young."

"Yeah," Havoc replied, eyeing the building Ed had left. The sign above the door proclaimed it to be the _Diamond Zephyr_, and Havoc decided that that was definitely one of the more pretentious names he'd seen in his life. And it didn't tell him much at all about what the place actually sold. "What is that place? Hair salon or something?" Honestly it wouldn't surprise him if Ed was having his hair done every week. Teenage boys didn't have that kind of hair without some sort of assistance. He'd always assumed Ed was using alchemy, but maybe it was just a really good conditioner.

"They do hair," Sally said, shifting against him. "But it's full service, too. Hair, nails, skin, massages- Oh!" She reached up to take his hand. "We should have an afternoon there. They have couple's packages!"

Havoc could already hear his wallet screaming at the thought. He didn't know what exactly a date at the spa would entail, but if Sally wanted to… "I'll look into it," he promised as he reached for another pastry. He made a note to ask Ed about it the next day at the office, and maybe figure out what the alchemist had bought. It was probably something to bribe his mechanic, Havoc mused. A fancy lotion or something.

As it turned out, Ed didn't show up at the office the next day, as he was sent down to spend the day helping clean up a collision on one of the rail lines. Havoc scribbled a reminder to himself to ask Ed the next day. Except that the following day, Ed was even more irate than he normally was, Havoc accidentally threw away the note, and then he forgot. The mystery went unsolved.

* * *

The second time Havoc spotted Ed at the massage parlor, he was suspicious. He and Sally had met for lunch and he'd walked her back to the florist. Almost two weeks had passed since he'd first seen the alchemist and he still hadn't asked about it. Ed had gotten an assignment out west for something involving chimeras and this was the first Havoc had seen of him since.

Havoc had already said goodbye to Sally after their lunch date, so he waited, half-curious, half-nosy, as Ed made his way up the other side of the street and ducked inside the _Zephyr_. He was limping, Havoc noted. It wasn't pronounced, and Ed was definitely trying to hide it, but the kid was doing his best to not put weight on his left leg. On a whim, Havoc decided to wait. If Ed had gone and mangled his automail, it'd make sense that he would pick up some gifts before heading to his mechanic. Al had mentioned it once while he had waited for his brother to get out of a debriefing with Mustang. Apparently jewelry had been Ed's go-to bribe until he'd abruptly switched to tools. And now, it seemed, he'd moved to beauty products.

Havoc snorted._ Teenagers._

What Havoc had assumed would be a quick in-and-out stop stretched to ten minutes, then to thirty. Havoc had moved from leaning against the storefront to sitting on the bench. Maybe there was a line? The place looked busy, but he had a hard time believing Ed would patiently wait in line to buy shampoo for half an hour. There was the possibility that Ed had slipped out without him noticing, especially considering the fact that the kid had been wearing normal clothes, not his favorite red-on-black, for once in his life.

An hour went by and still nothing. Havoc crossed his legs, uncrossed them, regretted leaving his cigarettes behind for his date, and finally stood up. Ed definitely wasn't just going in there to shop, he decided.

_Maybe_, a voice in his head said, _he's gone sweet on one of the workers._

Now _there_ was a thought. There hadn't been any rumors flying around the city's gossip columns about the Fullmetal Alchemist becoming unavailable, but Ed knew how to be discreet when he wanted to be.

The Colonel hadn't used it to get the kid riled up, either. That in itself meant that either Havoc was entirely wrong or this was new enough that Mustang's network hadn't gotten wind.

He was sitting on a gold mine.

Another half hour had gone by, and still no sign of Ed. Maybe he was wrong, even if all the evidence pointed to otherwise. He'd think about it, see if Ed ever went back. Third time was the charm, after all.

* * *

A week later, Havoc spotted Ed for that magical third time. He was leaving the building, another bundled package in his arms. The kid wasn't limping and Havoc knew for a fact he was grounded in Central on desk duty until his latest stunt in Obbenburg got cleared up. There was no way he was going to get out of town to visit his mechanic, but he still had the mysterious bundle clenched in one hand.

Ed hadn't gotten more than a dozen steps away from the door when one of the employees hurried out and caught up with him. The two exchanged words and then the girl held out a small slip of paper, which Ed took and stuffed into his pocket before they parted ways. The girl paused to call "same time next week!" loud enough for Havoc to hear. Ed waved in reply and made for a cab.

Havoc could feel his eyes boggle. Ed had been going there long enough to be a regular.

That was proof enough for him, so he decided it was time to do a little investigating.

It hadn't taken much to convince Sally to help him with a little recon ("The boss is smart and all, but he's dumb about people and I want to make sure he doesn't chase 'em off because he said something wrong"). As it turned out, Sally was friends with mostly everyone who worked on the block and she promised she'd ask around. They met for steady lunch dates and it was on the fourth one that Sally had information. Her eyes lit up as she cut into her pasta. "He's a regular and goes every Saturday afternoon at one."

Oh boy.

"He always gets the deep-muscle massage with a full skin treatment."

_Oh_ boy.

"And he only schedules with Helen."

_Oh boy._

It just got better after that. The whole parlor thought Ed was a charming young man (Havoc nearly inhaled an ice cube at that comment), he tipped very well, he'd been going there for months (Months! And nobody knew!), he'd used alchemy to fix their pipes once, etc., etc.

Mustang was absolutely going to eat his gloves when he found out about this.

Havoc decided it was time for him and Sally to have that spa date. A little planning had them set up for a late morning couples spa, which would oh-so-conveniently finish up right at the same time Ed normally left.

It was sneaky and Ed would probably get his revenge, but Havoc was curious. Downright nosy, if he was being honest with himself. But this was an itch he couldn't help but scratch.

And the spa day itself wasn't horrible. Havoc was conflicted about the whole mud bath bit, but Sally enjoyed it, and the sauna at the end was absolutely worth it. When it was all said and done, he felt great.

And the _wine_. A complimentary cheese tray, with a nice bottle of wine. It was probably picked specifically to bring out flavor or color or something, but Havoc wasn't versed enough to know. And he was too relaxed to care, leaned up against Sally on an overly stuffed sofa in the overly posh lobby. Similar seating arrangements were scattered around, some by the windows, some in private corners. Other spa goers dotted the area, drinking the wine, murmuring gently to each other, dozing quietly. There was even a gramophone playing from behind the reception desk. It was all very rich.

Havoc couldn't believe Ed actually came here on a regular basis.

And the speaking of Ed… The kid still hadn't shown up. Havoc had parked himself in such a way that he could watch the people coming and going from the back rooms, but he hadn't spotted his target yet. Havoc would have assumed he had skipped, but Sally's sources said he showed up like clockwork. He only missed if he was out of Central, and he was still stuck in Central as the whole Obbenburg debacle continued to escalate.

Havoc reached for another slice of cheese. As nice as the place was, he wasn't sure how long the staff would let them loiter or if he'd have to pay up for another foot massage. That wouldn't have been the worst thing, he supposed.

He had just topped off his wine glass when a pair of figures emerged from the back. Havoc looked up out of instinct, looked back to his drink, then back up again.

Ed.

He was walking with another person, and Havoc immediately guessed it to be Helen. Helen, he had assumed, would have been a girl Ed's age, maybe a couple years older. But he definitely did not expect her to be old enough to be Ed's mother.

Havoc had the sudden, distinct feeling he'd stepped into something he really had no business getting into. He considered slouching into the sofa and hoping Ed wouldn't notice him, but the two of them were going to cross right in front of his spot. And there was no way Ed would buy into this all being a coincidence.

Well. Too late now.

"You're the last person I expected see here, boss," Havoc lied as smoothly as he could, raising his voice enough to catch Ed's attention.

Ed and Helen's conversation broke off abruptly as Ed whirled, whipping his head around fast enough that he smacked himself in the face with his ponytail. He stared at Havoc, eyes going from the solider, to the wine glass, to Sally, and back again.

Havoc pushed up to his feet and casually made his way over to Ed. The boy looked ready to combust on the spot. "I had no idea you went to the spa. Sure hasn't done anything for your temper."

Ed gave him a firm kick in the shin. Havoc decided he definitely deserved it.

Helen had watched the exchange silently, but she eyed Havoc the same way a parent would stare down their kid's date. Havoc suddenly felt compelled to hide his wine glass and straighten the tie he wasn't wearing. "You two are friends?" she asked.

"Sure are!" Havoc replied, ignoring the emphatic "_No!_" Ed spat out. "We've been working together for years!"

Ed shuffled back half a step. He looked like he wanted to leave but was too worked up to walk away from it. "Havoc, what are you doing here?" he demanded.

"_I_ am on a date," he replied. He gestured to Sally, who waved serenely from her spot on the couch. Havoc raised an eyebrow at Ed. He couldn't believe the kid had set himself up like that. "And what are you doing here?"

Ed clearly hadn't expected the question to be turned back on him. "That's none of your-! I'm working on something for Mustang! I needed information!"

Any other day, Havoc might have bought it. Ed was the sort of person who would walk right into the middle of a smuggling ring and demand to talk to the owner. And, Havoc had learned once, Ed had acquired dozens of contacts across the country from his missions. It was impressive.

_But he's a regular_. Havoc gave him a pointed look. "Is that why you smell like butter?"

Looking back, Havoc realized it was a miracle Ed hadn't laid him out for that comment.

Embarrassment poured off the boy in waves and Helen spoke up. "Edward, do you want me to-"

"No, it's fine, I- I'm gonna borrow the room for a bit," he ground out and snatched Havoc's wrist. It was the automail hand and Havoc yelped when the metal pinched at his skin. But Ed wasn't in the mood and all but dragged him towards the back rooms. He barreled into one of the rooms (didn't even hesitate, Havoc noted, he definitely knew his way around) and slammed the door behind them. The lights in the room were still dimmed, and there was a heady smell of massage oils. Ed had been in there only a couple minutes earlier; it hadn't even had the chance to air out.

Ed stared him down in heated silence before letting out a gusty sigh. "I come here for my automail."

"…Your automail?" Havoc repeated dumbly. "But it's metal, you don't massage _metal_-"

Ed forcefully waved a hand to cut him off. "No, not the metal parts, idiot. The muscle. The skin and all that. What, you thought everything just gets screwed on and then boom, you're done, no more problems?"

He had, actually. He knew about the therapy but he always assumed once you were done, you were done. Ed was the only person he really knew with automail and he'd never mentioned anything besides general maintenance and repair.

Apparently the look on his face made that clear to Ed. The kid bared his teeth and folded his arms. "I have screws bolted into my _bones_, Havoc. It cuts right through skin and muscle. And I can't exactly just take it all off when it starts to get sore. Feels great, all the time. Nope, nothing ever hurts or tears or gets strained, ever."

Havoc decided he was the world's biggest idiot. "Oh."

Ed grunted. After a pause, he started talking again. "I had a place in East City. Had to find a new one when Mustang got us all transferred." He shrugged half-heartedly. "Worked out though. Helen trained in Rush Valley. She specializes with automail, knows the best stuff for muscle problems and all."

Another minute of silence passed as Ed stewed in his anger and Havoc tried to merge with the wall he was leaning against.

"You're going to tell Mustang?"

Havoc blinked at him. "What?"

"Mustang sent you out to dig up the dirt on me? That girl out there work for him, too?"

Well this was something he hadn't considered. Being able to pin it all on the Colonel was convenient but… "No," he replied. "That's Sally. My girlfriend. Really," he added when Ed's doubtful look didn't go away. "She works across the street at the florist."

"And you're here because….?"

"Because she wanted to come. And-" Havoc blew out a breath before continuing. "I saw you leave one day. Got curious," he confessed. Ed had been straightforward with him, so he could at least return the sentiment.

Ed's jaw worked irritably. "And now you know."

"Yeah. Thought you were buying fancy lotion or something for you mechanic."

Ed snorted. "As if. I bought that lotion for me-" He cut himself off but Havoc was already laughing at the slipped confession. "Shut up!"

Havoc managed to quiet himself before Ed's temper finally gave out. "I'm not telling Mustang."

He got a dubious look from Ed. "You'd better not," the kid hissed before he stormed out of the room. By the time Havoc made it back to the lobby, Ed was nowhere to be seen.

"How'd it go?" Sally asked from the couch. "Saw your friend leave in a hurry."

Well that answered that question. "It went… okay," he replied, scratching at the back of his neck. He'd gone and stepped way too far into Ed's person business, there was no denying that.

* * *

Havoc was the last one into the office the next Monday. Everyone else was already into their work, including Ed, who was half-hidden behind a pile of books. Ed ignored him and Havoc made his way right over to Mustang's desk.

"Colonel, I have a request."

Mustang looked like he didn't want to hear it, but was open to any excuse to ignore the very official-looking paperwork on his desk. "And that would be?"

"A squad spa day!"

Ed made a strangled noise; the rest of the office looked up to stare at Havoc.

"I'm sorry?" Mustang reached over to have another sip of his coffee.

"The spa! I went with Sally to that fancy place on West Pine, and it was amazing. You can get a cheese tray and a mud bath!"

"Sounds unsanitary."

"That's because you, Breda, are uncivilized."

The others didn't seem to be all that convinced. Havoc could feel the wind going out of his sails. "It would boost morale," he added, trying to rally himself before the idea fell flat. "We could at least get some hot water bottles. Those chairs and are hard and I have to sit in them for hours."

"It builds character." Mustang was clearly unimpressed with this argument.

"You'd get one, too."

Ed grunted. "It'd help Colonel Tight Ass relax his old man muscles."

Mustang only looked mildly offended by the insult. "Talk to Lieutenant Hawkeye about it. She has the forms."

Well this was progress. Hawkeye handed over the forms, looking as dubious as the Colonel and Havoc plopped them down in his to-do pile. He could see Ed staring at him from the corner of his eye, but he didn't look up. If nobody else in the office had figured out Ed's little habit, he wasn't going to help them connect the dots. And he definitely didn't point out the fact that Ed hoarded the newly requisitioned hot water bottles whenever he came into the office.


End file.
